I was 15 years old when first admitted into hospital. I was
diagnosed as having a blood clot on the brain. After an operation to remove this blood
clot I was put on a life-support machine and subsequently remained in a coma for 41 days.
I do not remember very much about being in hospital. Only when I came out after 53 days
did I really find out what had happened. I had collapsed at home and this was due to an
AVM (arterio venus malformation) that caused the blood clot (a blood vessel that had not
formed properly since birth, which suddenly burst).
I was unaware of almost everything that occurred within the days of being in a coma. On my
way to the operating theatre, although only semi-conscious apparently I found just enough
energy to lift my head and wave to my family as if it was a wave of goodbye, this brought
tears of agony and disbelief. One day whilst my mother was moving one of my pillows
because I looked uncomfortable I awoke and promptly SWORE at her loudly - this was the
first time I had spoke to her so badly and the first thing I said coming out of the coma
having been on a life support machine for nearly a month (and the last time I would every
say anything like that to her again), this brought tears of relief and then a lot of
laughter.
Teachers and friends from my high school were very supportive and visited me as and when
possible, except my close friends who came to visit me instead of going to school until
the headmaster phoned the ward I was on to enquire whether certain people were at hospital
instead of school! A good friend and neighbour from a different school personally asked
his headmaster if he could have time off to visit. Get-well cards were all around me from
friends, family and neighbours and a great big card signed by more or less everyone who
knew me at school.
Ironically and unfortunately my identical twin brother suffered all the headaches I did
not have at that time. Before all this had happened to me both of us were destined to
become professional footballers having had trials with some clubs already. My vocation in
life was to turn the hobby into a career. Looking back I was certain to accomplish this at
the time, after I saw the people who I played both alongside and against achieving the
ambition. But training for me was impossible and my brother also opted not to pursue this
career. Perhaps our Gemini genes were joining forces!
Physiotherapy began and firstly I had to learn how to move to the side of the bed and
stand up unaided, unfortunately this took longer than anticipated because when I moved it
was found my balance had been affected so I began to take travel sickness pills until the
actual sickness had subsided.
The left side of my body was more or less paralysed so regaining my fitness took a lot of
time and effort not having all my limbs in working order. My left foot and hand felt like
they had a sock and glove on as there was very little feeling. Eventually being able to
master standing up without falling down after several days, I was able to go to the
patients gym (pushed in a wheelchair) and with the aid of parallel bars I had to begin to
walk in a straight line. Initially 20 minutes of this was enough and then 9 days later
away came the bars. It was by myself but two poles under each arm were constantly moved
back and forth by both physiotherapists in co-ordination with my leg movements. This made
me walk with great posture as if I was marching in the army. I still look as if I march
while I walk! The only situation that really stands out in my mind of all the
physiotherapy routines, was when I had to run from one wall to another, which physically
tired me out. I was so determined that I was going to do this that concentration got the
better of me and I forgot to stop until I ran into one of the physiotherapists!
Whenever I looked in the mirror I would say to myself 'WHY ME?', and still think that to
this day, but I try to remember that there is always someone worse off than yourself.
Learning how to walk all over again really hurt me a lot because not many people have to
do this twice in their life, but I eventually accomplished this, losing my balance lots of
times until practise became perfect.
It was decided I could go home for the weekend on the 6th May, but I had to take a
wheelchair home with me. This was the first time that I was going out into the fresh air
and out of the hospital grounds for 46 days. Because I was still a bit unstable on my legs
at that time I had to have help climbing the stairs to go to the bathroom even though my
parents had brought my bed downstairs for me. That weekend went very quickly, probably
because I was permanently occupied with neighbours and school friends visiting me.
I had numerous types of examinations and brain scans whilst in hospital. An Angiogramme
was performed where surgical dye was injected into my neck. This dye circulated in the
main blood vessels around my head so special scans on my brain could be carried out. These
were able to show if there was any abnormality present in the blood vessels. The
after-effect of this was very painful indeed - I had trouble swallowing and was left with
a bruise on my throat for days. When I did eventually leave hospital for good my left hand
and foot still had very little feeling in them, also I could not move the left side of my
face, so that when I smiled only my right cheek moved. I was left with a slight turn in
both eyes yet my eyesight was not affected. The small amount of hair on my head made the
large scar easily visible. That was the first time I had ever had stitches! I had also
lost over 3 stone in weight and now realise how shocked everyone must have been by my
appearance. I had been told by the neurosurgeon that if after 10 years I was not able to
do certain things that I had been able to do before the operation then there was very
little chance that I would ever do them again. I was given a wheelchair again but I had to
try to do as much walking as I could manage. I went everywhere with the wheelchair just in
case I became too tired whilst I was practising walking again. If I did become tired I was
able to get into the wheelchair and be pushed home. My brother took me to the local
leisure centre so I could swim regularly. Thankfully we took the wheelchair with us so I
had a restful push home, but I was so eager to regain my fitness I would have like to
discard the wheelchair on numerous occasions because I hated people seeing me in that
condition, considering myself as a proud person. As well as doing all this exercise at
home I still had to attend the hospital for physiotherapy.
A surprise 16th birthday party was organised for 2 weeks after I had come out of hospital
until the surprise was no longer a surprise when a close friend and neighbour forgot and
let it slip! I was accompanied with my wheelchair, amazing myself that I spent most of the
time dancing the night away. It was then decided by my parents and school that I should go
back to re-study and take the subject exams I had missed in my final exam year even though
I was given an assessment mark in each of the subjects I had been studying. I had
developed a tremor in my right hand which is the hand I write with and this restricted me
enormously where there was a time limit. I could not keep up with the teachers dictation
or even copy notes off the blackboard. Now I don't mean to sound bigheaded but some days I
did not have enough enthusiasm or inclination to listen because I felt I had already
learnt enough in my last year of school to be able to achieve. Sure enough I was right,
being marked a fraction higher than the assessment marks I had been awarded the previous
year (my memory had not been affected-it was just the inability of writing at a reasonable
speed). I was granted extra time at the end of each exam because of this, even so, I feel
that it was a complete waste of one year out of my life.
September came around very quickly again and I enrolled at a local college where I was
ready for a 4 year course in Quantity Surveying, but I had had enough after a year. I was
unable to control my tremor which let me down on numerous occasions where I could not
produce legible plans that I needed to draw for my classwork and homework that would have
gone towards my final exam marks. I then had to go into hospital for another angiogramme.
This time the dye was injected into my groin. I thought that the one I had injected in the
neck was painful but this hurt when it was done and for over a week later. Being a regular
football player before, I had never had an 'injury' like this before. In September 1985 I
started a business course at another local college with a work placement in the office of
a marketing and advertising company. I managed to stay at that job for 3 years (I did not
know what I wanted to become at that precise moment - Further Education was no good to me
because I had little patience left; not yet overcoming the shaking of my writing hand. I
knew I could not pursue a career as a footballer, also Quantity Surveying was no longer
holding my interest). I was nearly five years since I was first admitted into hospital and
I felt that nothing much had really changed since I had been discharged. I still had
little feeling in both my left hand and foot and the turns in both eyes were still present
but I could still see perfectly. For the next five months I did not have a job and
did not want to study anymore. I was just feeling sorry for myself - always
thinking of what I would have been doing if all this had not happened to me. I witnessed
the tragedy that had happened at Hillsborough Football Stadium and this hurt me even more
than what I had previously gone through in hospital myself. The fact that I was seeing so
many people injured and dying in front of me depressed me to a point where I could not
forget about it even up until this present day and obviously will be with me for the rest
of my life.
I applied for a job as a warehouse person and was offered the vacancy at the interview,
but even though I did not want a long term career in this line of work I took the job
anyway. I know I only took it, thinking that I would find something that might have
related to my other job, which I had found very interesting.
I still kept going in and out of hospital for routine brain scans and other related
check-ups, becoming a familiar face with all the staff on the neuro ward in the town where
I lived. The Royal Hallamshire Hospital in Sheffield, England wrote to me in 1992 because
they had a special unit that performs stereotactic radiosurgery. This treatment was able
to culterise any damaged blood vessels in the brain that had been identified after an
angiogramme had been performed. I was told that if I was not given this treatment there
was a chance that I could sustain another brain haemorrhage. I was given a local
anaesthetic and my head was drilled at the back and front of each side so that a surgical
brace could be screwed into the four holes, after the angiogramme had located the damaged
areas. This treatment could then begin with the brace that was on my head being screwed
into a chamber where I could not move my head at all. This treatment was painless, but I
still had to take steroids for two days to help prevent any inflammation that could have
occurred in my head.
The next year a work-mate asked me if I wanted to compete in the London Marathon with him.
Accepting his offer I began training in the early days of January entering local runs of
distances ranging from 6 to 22 miles. I also successfully finished a local 1/2 marathon
and had my photograph taken by the local evening newspaper where I was headlined in an
article that read: "AN EXAMPLE TO ALL". Also the local radio station interviewed
me and I told both that I was raising money for the HEADWAY charity (this charity helps
the family and friends of people who have had severe head injuries). Whilst running the
race, because of the amount of spectators cheering and shouting the competitors on , I
knew I would have been playing football in this same sort of atmosphere so I really
enjoyed that part of it. I successfully completed the course in 4 hours 50 minutes and 20
seconds. I soon found myself back in hospital again though - this time at my own request
as I had decided that I wanted the turn in my eyes corrected but I could only have one eye
done at a time. I was in for only 2 days this time - my hospital visits were becoming
shorter now!
I decided to run in the 1994 Great Northern Run in Newcastle which I completed in 2 hours
3 minutes and 06 seconds and again in the London Marathon for that year. I felt that all
the running was quite an achievement because I had only learned how to walk again 11 years
previously. The Royal Hallamshire contacted me again referring me back because the
stereotactic radiosurgery had not worked 100%. The consultant had told me that he did not
know of anyone who had needed 3 doses of this treatment. Sure enough he was right! I
received a letter from the hospital a month after my second visit telling me it was a
complete success.
I competed in the 1995 London Marathon and also the 1995 Great Northern Run raising money
for the Juvenile Diabetics Foundation, but this time I hardly trained for the events at
all. Shortly after these events my other eye had the turn corrected. I went to visit
family in America, travelled the East Coast with my cousins' Rock Band, stopping off at
pre-arranged venues for them to do their 'gigs', until we reached Key West. I made a lot
of friends whom I still keep in regular contact with (having now been over to visit 6
times).
All of a sudden everything started going unusually wrong for me. In December 1995 whilst
at work one day I had 2 epileptic convulsions in the space of 5 minutes. This came as a
complete surprise to me, because one minute I was at work and then I awoke in a hospital
bed, after having a further 3 convulsions - 2 in the ambulance on the way to hospital, and
another whilst having a CT scan in which I had to be sedated so as not to injure
myself or damage the scanner, because this convulsion was described as being very violent.
After a short stay in hospital the convulsions had seemed to have been a one-off, but a
consultant explained to me that the epileptic convulsions were probably brought on because
the type of radiation treatment I had received in the last hospital was still present in
my brain, having not yet finished its process of wearing off. So, I had been given
medication just as a precaution to take daily on leaving the hospital. Yet again I entered
into the London Marathon which was becoming a bit of a habit, but I really enjoyed the
hard work that I needed to do during the race even though I had not done much training
again. I knew I could complete it with no trouble and my family and friends came to give
me as much support as they could manage. I was able to stop on London Bridge to have
my photograph taken by a friend!
Because I kept having these convulsions without an aura nor any pre-determined time
sequence, medication levels were changed and altered each time I visited the out-patients
clinic, but a suitable level could not be maintained. Therefore the convulsions kept
occurring which annoyed me because I always injured the left side of my body with cuts and
bruises and biting through my tongue and on one occasion I needed plastic surgery on my
lip. Fortunately it is not so visible as the majority of damage is on the inside. An
epileptic convulsion would just occur without warning, leaving me no time to try and
control it. The medication I was taking made the shaking of my right hand worse than ever,
so that was my excuse for not writing to friends and family alike. Instead I paid
them a personal visit where they lived - Holland, America and places in England from where
I live in the North West to London, East Anglia and Birmingham: to Scotland,
Newcastle and Nottingham. I know that these places in England do not seem far, but I
liked the freedom of travelling compared with being looked after in hospital.
London Marathon time again, but this time after receiving confirmation of my running
number I began having epileptic convulsions again more than usual so I had decided to give
the running a miss for that year and took a temporary retirement from running until
I decide to compete in a marathon in America which is a dream of mine, after constantly
being asked to do so, every time I am visiting there.
My twin brother went to live in Australia in 1996. This to me was a great loss because I
was without the main person who I had grown up with and who I loved and knew I would miss,
being so close to each other. 23 hours of flying and 1 big epileptic convulsion later, we
spent our 30th birthday together. Whilst in Australia we both went away for a week which,
as he pointed out, was our first family holiday together ever. We had always been away
with family or friends before. I ate for Queen and Country while he drank beer for both of
us (this was only because alcohol and medication is not a good mixture as my consultant
told me!), otherwise we both know that we would have just spent our time getting drunk and
not have bothered to visit the local attractions. When I arrived back in England I
began studying at night-school for the introduction to Accounting with a view to gaining
some knowledge of accountancy in business. Being able to have help from someone from
learning support who did all my note-taking for me in the class, I did not have the extra
task of trying to write important points that I would not have been able to read because I
would have been concentrating on the readability of the notes as well as what the tutor
was teaching. (If only I had such help all those years ago, when I primarily needed it),
after I received a pass grade of 80% (obtaining 3 credits at level 2), I began a further
course in "Sage" Computerised Accountancy, finding this very straight forward
and interesting I achieved a pass mark easily. I was referred to see a neurologist,
he acknowledged the fact that the convulsions were an after-effect of the
radiosurgery I had 4 years previous, BUT the said time-span should have made these
convulsions deteriorate considerably, hopefully a solution could be sought, after having a
MRI scan.
Now at the age of 31, having had such a setback in my adolescent years at a pinnacle point
in my life, I must not now dwell on my past the way I sometimes had done - thinking I was
unable to accomplish "certain goals" and now realising I can after being given
the chance. Still not having complete feeling in my left hand and foot I do not consider
this a disadvantage because I feel I do not need to reassure my past illness by doing
other things. After all, the marathons I have successfully completed have complimented all
the people who were involved in helping me back on the road to recovery. I have decided
not to drive which urges me to keep up my physical fitness by walking to most places.
Being at a young age when I was taken ill, I was given encouragement all the time and
sometimes I took a lot of encouraging! But looking back I am very thankful to everyone. I
have kept a lot of my old school friends where possible, also making new acquaintances
along the years. I do appreciate all my friends and family being by my side all the time,
understanding that I am able to look for more help if it is needed. Especially that I have
always had someone with me when an epileptic convulsion has occurred. I am very proud of
myself now, even though not becoming a footballer, where I would have been nearing my
retirement around now, and maybe having missed the opportunity to have earned obscene
wages in that profession the way footballers do to this day.
After all, Money is not everything HEALTH and HAPPINESS is.
3 Chalfont Field
Fulwood
Preston
Lancashire
United Kingdom
PR2 3WU
